Hey everyone--
Not a post today on anything profound, just a question for all of my Asperger's friends/family members who take care of Aspies: Are any of you on Social Security disability benefits, or anything similar? Is Asperger's enough of a diagnosis to get it?
I HATE, hate even thinking about it, but I can't find work, and frankly I am realizing more and more there are so many jobs I can't even apply for for my own mental health and sanity. I just don't know what to do, so I want to know what YOU do.
Thanks in advance...
EA
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Where I draw the line
Hello everyone--
Sorry it has been just over two weeks since my last post, but frankly, I A) have been fairly busy and B) don't have a burning topic in mind when it comes to this whole autism spectrum thing.
But today, oh today was not a good one in the world at large. I came out of the midnight showing of Dark Knight Rising with my father this morning only to hear about the events in Denver, the tragic, awful shooting that cost the lives of 12 and injured 59, I believe it is, at last count. I'm just devastated. All those people lost or injured or permanently scarred by the trauma they witnessed and experienced. Young people mostly, still in love with their heroes, on dates or hanging with friends, having fun, or older people wanting to feel young again. Killed by a young man with no particular religious or political reason for doing so (that has come out so far at least), just a pure evil psycho who decided to kill a bunch of people. This is indeed a tragedy.
And today the husband of a friend of mine underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor. Praise God the surgery went well, they were able to remove 70-90% of it and they say it is between a stage 2-3 sized tumor, which means not lethal yet. More will be known when the pathology report comes in. In the meantime, I am so many of her other friends will be doing what he have been doing since we heard about this last week--praying, praying, praying.
I've had many brutal conversations on FB recently, sparked by the OD death of Sylvester Stallone's son, that I lack compassion, that I am un-Christian, that I don't know what it is like because I haven't been there, because I spoke out quite vehemently about my total and utter lack of sympathy for drug abusers and other people who CHOOSE and ALLOW their addictions to overtake their lives and wreak havoc on those around them. How their deaths are not tragic, but a result of their choices. How we need to feel compassion for the victims, not the victimizers. I have to tell you, I should have let it go, but that dogged Aspie brain won't let me, and it has left me very unsettled.
Now I do believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is strong enough, forgiving enough, and loving enough to forgive even the worst of us--if I didn't believe that, then I wouldn't have my faith--BUT at the end of the day we have to choose to repent and accept that love and forgiveness, and sadly, I have come to the conclusion that many won't. I pray that they will choose repentance at the moment of judgment, and I can't know what will happen. But we have to accept that these truly evil people are going to remain truly evil. And there ARE truly evil people in this world. It does no good to pretend that if we just treated people nicer everyone would be nice back and we'd all live in a happy utopia. The Aurora shooting is only one example that that idea doesn't, and never has, worked, because evil is EVIL.
So, I think of this argument I have been having, and I think of it in light of the shooting in Aurora. Of brain tumors, of the many fighting diabetes and cancer and grave illnesses. I think of shooting victims and rape victims and people torn apart by violence.
And here I draw the line and make my stand. I do not care, at all, what circumstances caused you to follow a path of destruction. I have compassion if you came from a hard background but in no way does that give you any justification or excuse to follow destructive and/or violent and evil behavior. If you do this, I will pray for your soul, but I don't have any sympathy for you. Not a drop. Now if you work to escape, to get clean, to stop acting in violence, then you have my utmost respect and support. But not if you are one of the many who simply do it because they want to and don't care about anyone else.
And to the victims of both fate and the hands of other people, for you my well of compassion and my prayers well endlessly. Know we have a God that will be there, even at the darkest of times. And if you don't believe me, just ask him. He'll tell you Himself.
God bless you all,
EA
Sorry it has been just over two weeks since my last post, but frankly, I A) have been fairly busy and B) don't have a burning topic in mind when it comes to this whole autism spectrum thing.
But today, oh today was not a good one in the world at large. I came out of the midnight showing of Dark Knight Rising with my father this morning only to hear about the events in Denver, the tragic, awful shooting that cost the lives of 12 and injured 59, I believe it is, at last count. I'm just devastated. All those people lost or injured or permanently scarred by the trauma they witnessed and experienced. Young people mostly, still in love with their heroes, on dates or hanging with friends, having fun, or older people wanting to feel young again. Killed by a young man with no particular religious or political reason for doing so (that has come out so far at least), just a pure evil psycho who decided to kill a bunch of people. This is indeed a tragedy.
And today the husband of a friend of mine underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor. Praise God the surgery went well, they were able to remove 70-90% of it and they say it is between a stage 2-3 sized tumor, which means not lethal yet. More will be known when the pathology report comes in. In the meantime, I am so many of her other friends will be doing what he have been doing since we heard about this last week--praying, praying, praying.
I've had many brutal conversations on FB recently, sparked by the OD death of Sylvester Stallone's son, that I lack compassion, that I am un-Christian, that I don't know what it is like because I haven't been there, because I spoke out quite vehemently about my total and utter lack of sympathy for drug abusers and other people who CHOOSE and ALLOW their addictions to overtake their lives and wreak havoc on those around them. How their deaths are not tragic, but a result of their choices. How we need to feel compassion for the victims, not the victimizers. I have to tell you, I should have let it go, but that dogged Aspie brain won't let me, and it has left me very unsettled.
Now I do believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is strong enough, forgiving enough, and loving enough to forgive even the worst of us--if I didn't believe that, then I wouldn't have my faith--BUT at the end of the day we have to choose to repent and accept that love and forgiveness, and sadly, I have come to the conclusion that many won't. I pray that they will choose repentance at the moment of judgment, and I can't know what will happen. But we have to accept that these truly evil people are going to remain truly evil. And there ARE truly evil people in this world. It does no good to pretend that if we just treated people nicer everyone would be nice back and we'd all live in a happy utopia. The Aurora shooting is only one example that that idea doesn't, and never has, worked, because evil is EVIL.
So, I think of this argument I have been having, and I think of it in light of the shooting in Aurora. Of brain tumors, of the many fighting diabetes and cancer and grave illnesses. I think of shooting victims and rape victims and people torn apart by violence.
And here I draw the line and make my stand. I do not care, at all, what circumstances caused you to follow a path of destruction. I have compassion if you came from a hard background but in no way does that give you any justification or excuse to follow destructive and/or violent and evil behavior. If you do this, I will pray for your soul, but I don't have any sympathy for you. Not a drop. Now if you work to escape, to get clean, to stop acting in violence, then you have my utmost respect and support. But not if you are one of the many who simply do it because they want to and don't care about anyone else.
And to the victims of both fate and the hands of other people, for you my well of compassion and my prayers well endlessly. Know we have a God that will be there, even at the darkest of times. And if you don't believe me, just ask him. He'll tell you Himself.
God bless you all,
EA
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
God bless the USA
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. Tomorrow we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence (and yes, I know it actually took months, but work with me here), and the birth of the United States of America as a sovereign nation.
I present for you here the song Is Anybody there from 1776, a movie which never fails to move me, and a song which never fails to stir my soul.
John Adams, I see what what you saw. Despite the many, many mistakes and wrong turns America has made during the last 50 years and especially the last 4 that have brought us back to almost the same state you fought against over 230 years ago, I STILL see what you see. I still have a love for my country and a belief in what she was once and can be again burning in my heart. And believe me, as best as I am able, being neither eloquent nor charismatic, politician nor journalist, I will still fight for this country we both love. You spoke in your letters of commitment. I promise you, I am committed.
And shame, SHAME on our politicians for caring more about reelections and spinning the media and campaign money then they do about the citizens they represent and the ideals that formed this country. FIE on them for forgetting true patriotism, true selflessness. Our Founding fathers, though surely there was disagreement and acrimony and backstabbing, never, NEVER lost sight of the fact that their goal was to nurture and protect the cause of freedom and liberty in this country, freshly created, unique in all of history. History should teach us lessons. I say to all elected officials, it is time to start learning.
So the Erudite Aspie is going to take a few days off to celebrate the birth of the greatest nation on earth. And before I go, please listen to our national anthem. And if you get teary eyed, well, so do I. Every single time.
God bless you all, and God bless the USA.
EA
I present for you here the song Is Anybody there from 1776, a movie which never fails to move me, and a song which never fails to stir my soul.
John Adams, I see what what you saw. Despite the many, many mistakes and wrong turns America has made during the last 50 years and especially the last 4 that have brought us back to almost the same state you fought against over 230 years ago, I STILL see what you see. I still have a love for my country and a belief in what she was once and can be again burning in my heart. And believe me, as best as I am able, being neither eloquent nor charismatic, politician nor journalist, I will still fight for this country we both love. You spoke in your letters of commitment. I promise you, I am committed.
And shame, SHAME on our politicians for caring more about reelections and spinning the media and campaign money then they do about the citizens they represent and the ideals that formed this country. FIE on them for forgetting true patriotism, true selflessness. Our Founding fathers, though surely there was disagreement and acrimony and backstabbing, never, NEVER lost sight of the fact that their goal was to nurture and protect the cause of freedom and liberty in this country, freshly created, unique in all of history. History should teach us lessons. I say to all elected officials, it is time to start learning.
So the Erudite Aspie is going to take a few days off to celebrate the birth of the greatest nation on earth. And before I go, please listen to our national anthem. And if you get teary eyed, well, so do I. Every single time.
Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
God bless you all, and God bless the USA.
EA
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Open question for Aspies, and employers
As an Aspie, is it a good idea to mention that you have Asperger's during a job interview?
The cons, of course, are obvious, especially in this job market. The pros, though, are that if you don't, and you end up in a situation that pushes your Aspie buttons, how can you get out of it?
What, WHAT is the best thing to do? Anyone who employs people, what is your advice?
I admit here and I now that I just don't know. I don't have a clue. And as it is a rather pertinent issue, well, please discuss and comment and elucidate! If commenting here gives you fits (I HATE captchas), please comment on FB or Google+.
And maybe we will, working together, find the answer.
Cheers!
EA
Monday, June 25, 2012
Autism and bogus science
OK, one of the things that most annoys me in this world is crappy science that is then used to scare people or deliberately mislead them. Intelligent design is bogus. You do not have thyroid problems because of a lack of iodine in your diet unless you live in a third world country. Anthropogenic global warming is not happening.
And MMR does NOT cause autism.
I have been seeing 'don't give your child vaccines because it can cause autism' crap on FB again, and frankly, this is the sort of things that pushes my very personal and unique Aspie buttons and leaves me just enraged. I despise, hate, abhor bad science. Thank you, Jenny McCarthy. And to my friends who posted this and may believe it, well, I do the research and call it as I see it.
Let's all take a step back from panic land for a second and look at the root causes of Autism. I wrote this post about the genetic cause of Autism last year. A quick search on the same topic showed this fascinating news from April of this year about the discovery of a gene mutation that seems to cause autism. I'll reiterate and reemphasize: You are BORN with this. It CAN'T be cured. It is NOT a chemical imbalance. Moms and dads, you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for your kid having autism.
It is true that there seem to be some environmental factors to autism, but none of them are the ones we hear about. This article, while being honest enough to say that environmental triggers weren't specifically studied, nonetheless mentions some of the ones that have long been understood. The age of the parent--older parents do have a higher tendency to have autistic children. Multiple births, low birth weight, any medications the mother takes while pregnant. In other words, all environmental factors that happen while the child is in embryo. Not vaccines.
Yes, some kids have bad reactions to some vaccines (though the vast, vast majority don't). We've heard the horror stories. It's awful, it is sad, but it isn't why your child is autistic. And for those who say that their child was fine until after his vaccines when he was two or three? Well, please note this list of child development benchmarks for age 2. You'll notice that the areas that are affected by Autism don't even become apparent until the child is at least that age. Before then, you would never notice.
Don't believe me yet? Try this 2011 article. Or this.
But more importantly, think about it logically. We see that autism is a genetic disorder. Ergo, it isn't chemical in nature. Ergo again, nothing you do can change that. And in fact MMR DID cause autism, wouldn't pretty much every child in the civilized world have it?
To conclude this vehement, link filled, and perhaps a bit disjointed post, I just want to warn parents to actually look at the good science underneath the shock science. To know that the studies you see sprawled over the newspapers and the main stream media are almost never accurate, and are cherry picked to scare (and, shock, bring in viewers, readers, thus money). More importantly, this sort of things feeds on the basic nature of a caring, nurturing mother plagued with guilt because they think they might have done something to cause their child to be autistic. And to take advantage of the emotional state of truly wonderful mothers--I have an aunt with an autistic child who is a perfect example of this--really, truly bugs me. It isn't fair to make these parents feel worse because you might sell one more book or get one more big advertiser for the 5:00 news slot.
Again, parents, you are NOT to blame. And God bless all parents of Autistic kids and special needs kids in general for the great and good work that you do.
And MMR does NOT cause autism.
I have been seeing 'don't give your child vaccines because it can cause autism' crap on FB again, and frankly, this is the sort of things that pushes my very personal and unique Aspie buttons and leaves me just enraged. I despise, hate, abhor bad science. Thank you, Jenny McCarthy. And to my friends who posted this and may believe it, well, I do the research and call it as I see it.
Let's all take a step back from panic land for a second and look at the root causes of Autism. I wrote this post about the genetic cause of Autism last year. A quick search on the same topic showed this fascinating news from April of this year about the discovery of a gene mutation that seems to cause autism. I'll reiterate and reemphasize: You are BORN with this. It CAN'T be cured. It is NOT a chemical imbalance. Moms and dads, you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for your kid having autism.
It is true that there seem to be some environmental factors to autism, but none of them are the ones we hear about. This article, while being honest enough to say that environmental triggers weren't specifically studied, nonetheless mentions some of the ones that have long been understood. The age of the parent--older parents do have a higher tendency to have autistic children. Multiple births, low birth weight, any medications the mother takes while pregnant. In other words, all environmental factors that happen while the child is in embryo. Not vaccines.
Yes, some kids have bad reactions to some vaccines (though the vast, vast majority don't). We've heard the horror stories. It's awful, it is sad, but it isn't why your child is autistic. And for those who say that their child was fine until after his vaccines when he was two or three? Well, please note this list of child development benchmarks for age 2. You'll notice that the areas that are affected by Autism don't even become apparent until the child is at least that age. Before then, you would never notice.
Don't believe me yet? Try this 2011 article. Or this.
But more importantly, think about it logically. We see that autism is a genetic disorder. Ergo, it isn't chemical in nature. Ergo again, nothing you do can change that. And in fact MMR DID cause autism, wouldn't pretty much every child in the civilized world have it?
To conclude this vehement, link filled, and perhaps a bit disjointed post, I just want to warn parents to actually look at the good science underneath the shock science. To know that the studies you see sprawled over the newspapers and the main stream media are almost never accurate, and are cherry picked to scare (and, shock, bring in viewers, readers, thus money). More importantly, this sort of things feeds on the basic nature of a caring, nurturing mother plagued with guilt because they think they might have done something to cause their child to be autistic. And to take advantage of the emotional state of truly wonderful mothers--I have an aunt with an autistic child who is a perfect example of this--really, truly bugs me. It isn't fair to make these parents feel worse because you might sell one more book or get one more big advertiser for the 5:00 news slot.
Again, parents, you are NOT to blame. And God bless all parents of Autistic kids and special needs kids in general for the great and good work that you do.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Upcoming topics
I am writing a quick coming attractions post not only to let you marvelous people know what is coming in the next week or so, but also so you can all hold me accountable for actually doing the research and writing. :)
- MMR does NOT cause autism. Period. Full stop. The end.
- Shoddy science and political/financial gain when it comes to autism
- How to talk about Asperger's to others. Without being, well, too much an Aspie.
This is all I can think of for now, but as always, put topic suggestions in the comments below. Or, since the captcha thing is a pain in the butt, comment on my FB wall. If you aren't FB friends with me, why not? Add me now.
Cheers,
EA
Success! And that emergency room trip...
Well, my days with old college friends I was looking forward to with excitement and trepidation?
It was a rousing, complete, really really fun success. Not only was it great to talk to them, but I managed to restrain myself when my Aspie brain was screaming at me. A couple of times it was tricky, but I managed to keep what was in my brain, in my brain, and though each time it took me a bit to calm down, I was able to do so with time by myself before I entered a new situation. I can say that if you can avoid driving through the Caldecott tunnel during Rush hour when you are very upset, I'd suggest it.
I had really lovely time being around the Berkeley Campus again, joining my friend's running group in a good solid workout, eating at La Burrita, seeing the Campanile, getting hot chocolate at Cafe Strada. It reminded me just how much I love UC Berkeley. The campus still speaks to me and reaches out and touches my soul.
I also enjoyed having wonderful discussions about interesting topics that engaged me, interested me, and taught me. It was so wonderfully intellectually stimulating! I didn't realize how much I'd thirsted for just that sort of exchange of thoughts and ideas--it brought back those heady college days with the same college friends. We just slipped back into the same pattern (and we all look exactly the same way we did 14 years ago, which amuses me). I have to admit that at dinner one night I just got caught up, my biggest fear was that in getting so excited and happy and exuberant I might have come across too strong, as I was so involved I forgot to do my normal self-monitoring during the conversation. All I can do is hope it went well.
It was also lovely seeing my cousins and their truly amazing two and a half year old son. One of the highlights of the weekend was playing with the (smart, creative, imaginative, wonderful) toddler for over an hour and trying to interpret his toddlerese while mom cooked dinner. It was good to be an auntie.
I also learned that with direction, guidance, and someone who knows how to lead, I can actually fake my way through dancing pretty well! I danced two nights and truly had a blast. It makes me want to find places to dance in my hometown now. This is a big turning point for me, even five years ago going to a dancing lesson then dancing, especially with strangers, wouldn't have been possible because I was too self conscious. I think a lot of my self-consciousness in my 20s came from my lack of social skills from being an Aspie, and now that I have worked hard to gain those skills by rote, I am much less scared to put myself out there. I've learned that it's OK if I am not good at dancing or don't know the steps, that people honestly are nice and are willing to teach and forgive mistakes, and that a smile and a laugh makes it fun even if I tread on a toe or so. I'm so glad I got past the anti-dancing block in my head because it gives me one more thing to enjoy in life. And my friend was indeed an excellent teacher.
I also only finished half of my race before being rushed to the emergency room because I couldn't breathe, but I am not thinking about that part. It's the only mark on the weekend, and though it frustrates and upsets me, I am determined to simply move on, try again, and think of the good instead of the bad.
I'm tired, my lungs are still weak, and my legs are sore, but I have days of good memories stored up. Did I have to fight the Aspie monster? Well, yeah, I always do. But this time, I won.
Life. For all the bad moments, you get the days like this, and it makes it all worth while.
God is good,
EA
It was a rousing, complete, really really fun success. Not only was it great to talk to them, but I managed to restrain myself when my Aspie brain was screaming at me. A couple of times it was tricky, but I managed to keep what was in my brain, in my brain, and though each time it took me a bit to calm down, I was able to do so with time by myself before I entered a new situation. I can say that if you can avoid driving through the Caldecott tunnel during Rush hour when you are very upset, I'd suggest it.
I had really lovely time being around the Berkeley Campus again, joining my friend's running group in a good solid workout, eating at La Burrita, seeing the Campanile, getting hot chocolate at Cafe Strada. It reminded me just how much I love UC Berkeley. The campus still speaks to me and reaches out and touches my soul.
I also enjoyed having wonderful discussions about interesting topics that engaged me, interested me, and taught me. It was so wonderfully intellectually stimulating! I didn't realize how much I'd thirsted for just that sort of exchange of thoughts and ideas--it brought back those heady college days with the same college friends. We just slipped back into the same pattern (and we all look exactly the same way we did 14 years ago, which amuses me). I have to admit that at dinner one night I just got caught up, my biggest fear was that in getting so excited and happy and exuberant I might have come across too strong, as I was so involved I forgot to do my normal self-monitoring during the conversation. All I can do is hope it went well.
It was also lovely seeing my cousins and their truly amazing two and a half year old son. One of the highlights of the weekend was playing with the (smart, creative, imaginative, wonderful) toddler for over an hour and trying to interpret his toddlerese while mom cooked dinner. It was good to be an auntie.
I also learned that with direction, guidance, and someone who knows how to lead, I can actually fake my way through dancing pretty well! I danced two nights and truly had a blast. It makes me want to find places to dance in my hometown now. This is a big turning point for me, even five years ago going to a dancing lesson then dancing, especially with strangers, wouldn't have been possible because I was too self conscious. I think a lot of my self-consciousness in my 20s came from my lack of social skills from being an Aspie, and now that I have worked hard to gain those skills by rote, I am much less scared to put myself out there. I've learned that it's OK if I am not good at dancing or don't know the steps, that people honestly are nice and are willing to teach and forgive mistakes, and that a smile and a laugh makes it fun even if I tread on a toe or so. I'm so glad I got past the anti-dancing block in my head because it gives me one more thing to enjoy in life. And my friend was indeed an excellent teacher.
I also only finished half of my race before being rushed to the emergency room because I couldn't breathe, but I am not thinking about that part. It's the only mark on the weekend, and though it frustrates and upsets me, I am determined to simply move on, try again, and think of the good instead of the bad.
I'm tired, my lungs are still weak, and my legs are sore, but I have days of good memories stored up. Did I have to fight the Aspie monster? Well, yeah, I always do. But this time, I won.
Life. For all the bad moments, you get the days like this, and it makes it all worth while.
God is good,
EA
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