An excellent conversation on a summer afternoon

Yesterday afternoon I had a very interesting, and in the end heartwarming, conversation with some of my classmates.

To put this into perspective, we had just finished a midterm, so were on that 'yay the midterm is done and I can rest a few hours before I have to start studying for the next test" high.  And believe me, during a summer school  anatomy and physiology class, the moments you can take a breather are few, far between, and very short.  I was outside resting in the 30 minute break before my lab session started, and they came up to my bench and started talking, in that way that all exam survivors do (and darn it, I got a question wrong on the exam.  Grrr...I HATE that).

This conversation started out differently because one of the woman was upset and annoyed with a classmate for basically hogging the teachers time and being overall rather obnoxious.  She then mentioned, I think this person has Asperger's though or Autism or something like that.  

I said, you know, I'M on the spectrum.  

And thus started a truly fascinating conversation.  They wanted to know what it was, how I knew, what I did about it.  I explained what has already been explained so much in this blog--how I am so much better now than I was when I was younger, the techniques I have learned to adapt, and the things I still just can't do and how I get around them.  Particularly, I explained how I absolutely lack the ability to read body language and tell if someone is bored or interested, telling a white lie to get me to go away, sincere or polite, etc.  I explained how the best way I have learned to handle it is to  have someone I trust cue me in whenever I needed to change my behavior, and tell me the truth about people's actual motivations.  I also discussed how by the grace of God the Erudite Mom managed to do all the right things for training and helping people on the Spectrum without even knowing it.  

Granted, I could be off base as I am an Aspie and have my limitations, but it felt like a very positive conversation.  One where I shared my story, helped them to understand another classmate, and interested them.  I do know that I forgot time and thus was a couple of minutes late for lab, which is horrible, but I'll forgive myself this time. As I was running to lab,  one of the women yelled after me "it was great talking to you--and I really mean it!".  Hearing that sort of warmed the cockles of my heart (though those famed cockles don't exist, I have now studied the basic anatomy of the heart and know!).

So for all those who are Aspies, sometimes it is a good thing to share.  And to those fellow classmates of mine at Monterey Peninsula College, thanks.  You really made my day.

I hate talking on the phone, and I have good reasons why!

Today I read an article on Brian King's excellent website about living in the Autism Spectrum called "I HATE talking on the phone".  This struck a chord, because as all of you know who have read my earlier posts, I do indeed hate talking on the phone.

Brian then enumerates the reasons why people on the Autism Spectrum tend to hate the phone.  When the phone rings, we are shocked, and we are immediately cast into a position where we are going to have to talk, and we don't know how long or for what reason, and we have no time to prepare.  Aspies can't just jump into conversation (except perhaps the casual hello, how are you, please and thank you forms of conversation you do every day as a matter of rote), we have to prepare.  The phone gives you no time to prepare.

I highly suggest reading his post yourself, but I'd like to talk about one other thing I find to be the most compelling reason for me personally--on the phone, you have to keep talking. You can't have silence on the phone, you are impelled to keep the conversation going and that is deathly difficult for Spectrumites.  I can't tell you the number of times I am on the phone and the silence has stretched and I just have no idea what to do about it.  Or the number of times I am on the phone and I have used up my ability to hold conversation (and this holds true for my friends and family and boyfriend, it isn't the person on the other side that is the problem but the mode of conversation itself) and I REALLY want to end the call but can't figure out how to do so politely.  

Electronic communication, in contrast, allows you to communicate on your own time.  It allows you to prepare what you want to say.  There are no awkward silences in email.  No figuring out how to end a conversation without being rude.   Plus, tools such as email and facebook allow communication with many people at once, which is FAR more productive and a time saver.  Try organizing a family reunion for 100 people solely by phone calls...talk about inefficient.  

And to some people I know (none of whom read this blog though!) don't judge those of us that hate the phone.  If you never own a computer or have an email, relying solely on phone (and no texting!), I might think you are crazy and not using time well but I believe you have the right to communicate how you want.  Give me the same courtesy.  And never, never think electronic communication isn't 'personal' enough.  Try it, THEN try and tell me that.

One last note...while this are good reasons that Aspies hate the phone, but I am related to several neurotypicals that feel the exact same way for the exact same reasons.  Are you like that?  Let me know in the comments.

Cheers, EA