I hate talking on the phone, and I have good reasons why!

Today I read an article on Brian King's excellent website about living in the Autism Spectrum called "I HATE talking on the phone".  This struck a chord, because as all of you know who have read my earlier posts, I do indeed hate talking on the phone.

Brian then enumerates the reasons why people on the Autism Spectrum tend to hate the phone.  When the phone rings, we are shocked, and we are immediately cast into a position where we are going to have to talk, and we don't know how long or for what reason, and we have no time to prepare.  Aspies can't just jump into conversation (except perhaps the casual hello, how are you, please and thank you forms of conversation you do every day as a matter of rote), we have to prepare.  The phone gives you no time to prepare.

I highly suggest reading his post yourself, but I'd like to talk about one other thing I find to be the most compelling reason for me personally--on the phone, you have to keep talking. You can't have silence on the phone, you are impelled to keep the conversation going and that is deathly difficult for Spectrumites.  I can't tell you the number of times I am on the phone and the silence has stretched and I just have no idea what to do about it.  Or the number of times I am on the phone and I have used up my ability to hold conversation (and this holds true for my friends and family and boyfriend, it isn't the person on the other side that is the problem but the mode of conversation itself) and I REALLY want to end the call but can't figure out how to do so politely.  

Electronic communication, in contrast, allows you to communicate on your own time.  It allows you to prepare what you want to say.  There are no awkward silences in email.  No figuring out how to end a conversation without being rude.   Plus, tools such as email and facebook allow communication with many people at once, which is FAR more productive and a time saver.  Try organizing a family reunion for 100 people solely by phone calls...talk about inefficient.  

And to some people I know (none of whom read this blog though!) don't judge those of us that hate the phone.  If you never own a computer or have an email, relying solely on phone (and no texting!), I might think you are crazy and not using time well but I believe you have the right to communicate how you want.  Give me the same courtesy.  And never, never think electronic communication isn't 'personal' enough.  Try it, THEN try and tell me that.

One last note...while this are good reasons that Aspies hate the phone, but I am related to several neurotypicals that feel the exact same way for the exact same reasons.  Are you like that?  Let me know in the comments.

Cheers, EA

The glory of electronic communication--AKA, down with telephones

Good evening everyone--

When I first started researching Asperger's and Autism Spectrum disorder, one of the first things I read was that Aspies dislike talking on the telephone, and much prefer email, text messaging, and other forms of electronic communication.  I thought immediately, well, yeah.  That describes me perfectly.  I find being on the phone exhausting, difficult, and I know I don't communicate what I really feel OR understand what people are trying to tell me nearly as well as when I have words in front of my face.  This becomes a real problem when the topic of the phone call relates to important issues--medical, financial, career, etc. Heck, I can't pick up on vocal cues when I am in person, and now I am supposed to do this over the phone?  Added to this, I am a visual learner, and have a hard time absorbing what I don't see.

I know many, MANY people who feel exactly the same way who don't have Asperger's--but pretty much every Aspie I've read or talked to does.  In my case, it is definitely a family trait.  The amazing Erudite Mom is exactly the same way and she is not an Aspie, to give an example.

I am curious--how do you like to communicate?  Do you like both, depending on the situation, and if you have a preference, why?  And if you are like me and have almost a pathological hatred of making or taking phone calls, what do you do to overcome it in those situations you can't avoid that cursed invention of Mr. Bell?

My ulterior motive for writing this post?  Thursday morning I have a phone call interview (not about a job, curses!) of great importance.  I have to do a really good job of getting my point across, and I have to do it on the phone.  I have it written out what I can't forget to say, but... 

I have to admit to being very nervous that I won't do a good job, so any tips and tricks are vastly appreciated by me, and hopefully, other readers of this blog.

Here but for the grace of God go I...

EA