Random question of the night

OK, here is the situation.  Let's say you have intimate acquaintance with someone and know that they are basically an awful human being.  And let's be honest everyone, awful human beings do exist and we all know at least one. 

AND, let's just say that this person is so good at appearing affable that everyone says well they may have their flaws but they are just so nice, so affable!  

Doesn't that just make your head want to explode?  Don't you want to say no, they are NOT affable!  Look at the actions!  Look at how rude, patronizing, lying, cheating, lazy, passive aggressive, self centered, and selfish this person is!  This person is a horrible human being!  Arg!

Well, I sure as heck do.  It drives me crazy.  It is very, very hard to remain politic.  And sometimes I just can't hold it in.

In other news, I had a bad few hours today with a certain someone. 

And my readers?  You are all awesome of course!

Highlander Clare is not an Aspie

OK, I'm squeezing in one more post before leaving for our Annual Family reunion this Friday.  My love/hate relationship with the family reunion is something I'll post about next week, but first, I want to write about something that has intrigued me quite a bit recently.

To give some background, I, alone with the Erudite Mom, are part of a historical reenactment guild called Saint Andrew's Noble order of the Royal Scots.  What we do is reenact the court of Mary Queen of Scots in 1562, right after she came back from France, when she toured the country in Scotland in an attempt to learn about the people she ruled but had never known.  It's great, great fun, think of the best of Renaissance Faires and Scottish Games all rolled into one.  We are huge history buffs, so this was a natural.  And the garb, OH the garb is so much fun!  The people in the guild are wonderful, and the beer is awesome.

At this point, the person with an average knowledge of Asperger's is probably thinking, how the HECK can an Aspie do this?  It requires being around people all the time, and not just being around them, but communicating and interacting with them.  This hits about every Aspie stress button there is.

I must admit that I had some hesitation when I joined.  But here is the rub--my character in the guild is Highlander Clare MacAndrews, and I along with my mother Jenn are the Queen's royal mead makers and brewers.  The time we are at Faire I am always Clare, immersed completely in the experience.  I live in 1562.  I dress in period appropriate clothes, I speak in the best Faux Renaissance era Scottish accent I can muster, I only use wood and metal and leather, and I carry my tankard on my belt.  

In short, I am not myself.  

And Clare is not an Aspie.

It took me a bit to figure out just how I can pull this off and I finally figured it out--I am ACTING.  Aspies suck at small talk and we can't read people, but tell us exactly what to do, have us play a role, and we are good to go.  I am acting like Clare, I become Clare, and I am fine.  I have my role, my place, and in such a defined setting with defined tasks I am comfortable as can be.

I must admit, it is a wonderful thing indeed to be normal here and again.

God save Her Majesty!

And heck, the rest of us as well. :)

A month in Europe...or not?

Oh, the difficult decision I face!

The Erudite Mom has long since been planning to be gone in June to spend a few weeks spending the Erudite sister in Hull, do some traveling in England, then swing to Norway for a few days to visit my brother.  I was jealous, sure, but there is always time to travel, I've done my share of traveling, I was in Italy 3 years ago, etc.  And plus, we have animals.  Seven cats, a dog, two turtles, and a bearded dragon.  Someone has to take care of the animals.

THEN, she said she was planning on going to Edinburgh.  And Stonehenge.

Big, fat, whimper.  NOW I want to go.  Badly.  A lot.

I would miss a half marathon and my chance to finish the Tour de Fit series put on by Change of Pace.  And some Guild events.  And now that I think about, Chuck signed up for that race just to do it with me.  I can hardly back out.  But...Edinburgh.

So it must be decided, do I throw financial caution to the winds for such a fabulous trip (though it would be a budget trip due to not having to get hotels or eat in restaurants and having a car in England)?  Does mom find a student we can trust to take care of the animals (the dog can stay with my aunt, that one is easy)?  Should I?

There are worse dilemmas to face. :)

Musical postscript to today's post.

This song says it best.  Sorry it won't embed...but clicking on a link isn't too hard, right?

The Shelter by Jars of Clay

When I am the sane one....

Something is wrong!

I have a friend deeply struggling right now (please pray for her all you praying types) and I am the one sole rational voice in her life.

And I'm an Aspie.

When I am acting as Highlander Clare in my Historical Reenactment Guild I am able to be with the patrons, talk to them, answer their questions, ad lib, and act, all in character, all without a blip of concern. My mom jokes--Clare isn't an Aspie.

And I'm an Aspie.

I have recently seen by action and been told by other people that I have truly been a force for positive and good in their lives--most especially in the areas of running or otherwise working out and getting fit.  A friend of mine, a new runner, just did her first 10K last weekend (and beat me!!!).  Another friend who has an injured hip nevertheless wants to do her first 5K this fall.  The ladies in the orthodontist office are talking about doing a mud run because I talked about how much I loved mine.

And I'm an Aspie.

And trust me, I AM an Aspie.  Boy oh boy do I have my moments.  This post highlights the worst of my recent moments.  And I have to have things in order, and I still think in patterns and love cycles.  And I can't read body language to save my life.  And my mom still has to nudge me when I talk to much or too loud every once in a while.

But through the grace of God and His power in my life, I have been able to be overcome the diagnosis and simply be.  A runner, a Christian, a friend, a confidante, an encourager.  This poor broken vessel of mine is made perfect by the grace of God, and I feel such joy knowing I've been able to be a force for good, for encouragement, for bringing some of the radiant joy God gives to my life to other people.   I can do it because HE does it through me, because my friends and family uplift and encourage me always, and because I have faith and hope and optimism in this world that so often tries to take all those things away.

So yes, I am an Aspie.  But I am so much more than that.

Praise the Lord!

Aspies Unite!

First, where the HECK did the last month go?  Have I been living in a time warp?  Oof.

OK, on to our topic!  One of my Facebook friends suggested that I write about whether I can easily recognize Aspies, whether I know any, and whether I'd have appreciated having a mentor when I was younger.  The answers are usually, yes, and yes. But let me explain (because otherwise this post would be way too short).

As far as recognizing my fellow Aspies, I usually can but it does depend.  On the surface, when I first meet them, I sometimes can tell if they display some of the more obvious signs--bad at small talk, avoiding eye contact, etc.  Of course, being an Aspie myself, this sometimes goes right over my head.  You have to be REALLY nervous in a social situation for me to pick up on it, since I'm usually being hyper careful to not make a faux pas and to try and do everything right myself.  I have met some people I can peg as Aspies pretty early just from behavior and the topic of their conversation--If I am thinking that I would feel the exact same way and boy haven't I had that problem, I bet this person is an Aspie.  On a different level, I have had a few people message me privately and say you know, I've read your blog and I have this and this and this in common with you, and when this happens I react this way.  What do you think? Presented with this, it is VERY easy to tell.

Caveat:  I am NOT a trained professional.  I have never taken a Psych class.  I can't give an official diagnosis.  But then again, I was diagnosed incorrectly by more than one trained professional over the years.  So frankly, I trust myself.

As far as knowing people who are Aspies, I have actually met several on FB through Autism communities, friends of friends, etc.  I'm not shy about having Asperger's and those of us living on the Autism Spectrum seem to sort of come together through the glory of social networking.  It's nice hearing from them and sharing with them, I am so grateful for my FB Aspie friends!  I also have one friend who is also an Aspie, not officially diagnosed, but an Aspie nonetheless.  He does not talk about it publicly, so I shall keep his anonymity.  I can tell you though that over the past few months he has been a Godsend in that when I am struggling with Aspie induced difficulties and need advice or just need to vent, he has been there.  It is SO nice to have someone with this in common to talk with and I am grateful for FB for giving us the forum.  We recently had a long conversation that was full of you I do this, do you?  Yep.  Sigh.  Or no, but I do something similar.  It's the sort of stuff you almost have to be an Aspie to understand.

As to having a mentor--when I was growing up, if I  had known, it would have been helpful.  Very much so.  If I'd known an older Aspie who had been there and done that in the complicated mess of navigating being an Aspie AND public school AND puberty, well, it would have helped.  Then again, just knowing I  had Asperger's would have been a very nice then back then.  I can only be grateful to my mom for dragging me along as best as she could so I made it out fairly intact the other side.  Now, I appreciate the friendship and advice, but I no longer feel I need a mentor per se.  With the internet providing knowledge and without hormones shooting willy nilly through my poor body, I feel MUCH more in control.  At least most of the time.  And when I lose it, well, I have a friend to vent to.

God bless you all,

Erudite Aspie

Can I be Breitbart?

Ok, I know this is a blog about my life on the Spectrum,  but today I have to dip into the political arena, just a bit.  And heck, this is my blog, so I can and shall do as I please.  :)

For those that have their heads buried under a pillow or have spent the last week sipping mai tais on a deserted beach without electricity, Andrew Breitbart passed away of a heart attack just after midnight on March 1, 2012.  Political activist that fought the machine for all he was worth, laughed in the face of the copious amounts of hate that was piled on him, fearless defender of America and of all new media people seeking to find the truth, he was also a beloved husband and father of four, who will be greatly missed.

Now, not being a political blogger or a mover and shaker in that arena, I never met him.  And still his vision, strength, kindness, and sheer guts impressed me greatly, and I am still having a hard time believing he is gone.  I can't imagine how badly the many, many  people who knew him feel if I am still shaky about it.  There are many. MANY good videos and blog entries about him, but  I encourage you highly to read this post (about Andrew Breitbart, which shows his interests were many and varied)  from an EXCELLENT site about Autism and source for good information, Rethinking Autism.

In a future post I will write why I like the blog Rethinking Autism and am not so much a fan of Autism Speaks, but that is for the future.

Today, what interests me is whether I, indeed, have the guts to be Andrew Breitbart.

Do I have the strength to stand up against the narrative, knowing full well I will alienate friends and family in the process?  Do I have the determination to blog regularly, do research, and be consistent?  Do I have the ability to write well enough, charismatically enough, to make a difference?

In other words, can I channel even the smallest portion of the legacy of Andrew Breitbart and join the thousands of others who share the same vision of America, the same understanding of the culture war and the outright collusion between government and the media, and are frankly sick and tired of letting the narrative be taken away from us?  Am I, finally, ready to stand with these bloggers and start fighting back?

I'd like to say I do it in little ways.  I vote.  I am clear about what I believe and don't shy away from it.  But I don't invite or incite political discussion either.

But maybe, just maybe, it is time.  Because as Steve Green points out in this Trifecta episode, it is time to start speaking.

Do I have a voice?  Breitbart would have said yes.  He then would have cracked open a bottle of wine, sat down, and showed me exactly how.

We are all Breitbart now.  We have to be.  Because the cost is too high not to do it.