Aspies Unite!

First, where the HECK did the last month go?  Have I been living in a time warp?  Oof.

OK, on to our topic!  One of my Facebook friends suggested that I write about whether I can easily recognize Aspies, whether I know any, and whether I'd have appreciated having a mentor when I was younger.  The answers are usually, yes, and yes. But let me explain (because otherwise this post would be way too short).

As far as recognizing my fellow Aspies, I usually can but it does depend.  On the surface, when I first meet them, I sometimes can tell if they display some of the more obvious signs--bad at small talk, avoiding eye contact, etc.  Of course, being an Aspie myself, this sometimes goes right over my head.  You have to be REALLY nervous in a social situation for me to pick up on it, since I'm usually being hyper careful to not make a faux pas and to try and do everything right myself.  I have met some people I can peg as Aspies pretty early just from behavior and the topic of their conversation--If I am thinking that I would feel the exact same way and boy haven't I had that problem, I bet this person is an Aspie.  On a different level, I have had a few people message me privately and say you know, I've read your blog and I have this and this and this in common with you, and when this happens I react this way.  What do you think? Presented with this, it is VERY easy to tell.

Caveat:  I am NOT a trained professional.  I have never taken a Psych class.  I can't give an official diagnosis.  But then again, I was diagnosed incorrectly by more than one trained professional over the years.  So frankly, I trust myself.

As far as knowing people who are Aspies, I have actually met several on FB through Autism communities, friends of friends, etc.  I'm not shy about having Asperger's and those of us living on the Autism Spectrum seem to sort of come together through the glory of social networking.  It's nice hearing from them and sharing with them, I am so grateful for my FB Aspie friends!  I also have one friend who is also an Aspie, not officially diagnosed, but an Aspie nonetheless.  He does not talk about it publicly, so I shall keep his anonymity.  I can tell you though that over the past few months he has been a Godsend in that when I am struggling with Aspie induced difficulties and need advice or just need to vent, he has been there.  It is SO nice to have someone with this in common to talk with and I am grateful for FB for giving us the forum.  We recently had a long conversation that was full of you I do this, do you?  Yep.  Sigh.  Or no, but I do something similar.  It's the sort of stuff you almost have to be an Aspie to understand.

As to having a mentor--when I was growing up, if I  had known, it would have been helpful.  Very much so.  If I'd known an older Aspie who had been there and done that in the complicated mess of navigating being an Aspie AND public school AND puberty, well, it would have helped.  Then again, just knowing I  had Asperger's would have been a very nice then back then.  I can only be grateful to my mom for dragging me along as best as she could so I made it out fairly intact the other side.  Now, I appreciate the friendship and advice, but I no longer feel I need a mentor per se.  With the internet providing knowledge and without hormones shooting willy nilly through my poor body, I feel MUCH more in control.  At least most of the time.  And when I lose it, well, I have a friend to vent to.

God bless you all,

Erudite Aspie

True Friendship: it is possible for an Aspie

There are times when I am utterly amazed that I actually have friends.  I know this sounds odd, but as an Aspie, you tend to inadvertently make so many mistakes, so many social faux pas, that you automatically assume you will eventually insult and turn away anyone who was ever a friend to you.  That was my life, really, for all of high school and college.  

Then, in my mid twenties, I met my best girl friend ever (and yes, I know how teenager that sounds).  She's been my friend for 10 years now and I cherish her friendship, as well as rely on it.  She's been there for me through all the hills and valleys of life, and I hope I've been there for her.  It could be because she and I tend to be just a bit 'off'  in so many of the same ways that we are friends, but hey, it works!  She also introduced me to craft beer, a gift for which I can never repay her.  

I also want to mention and give credit  to three of my friends and former coworkers who have known me since I started working for Salinas Public Library.  They have truly been supportive and caring and just wonderful through all the hell I went through.  One of them, after I spent at least an hour venting and complaining about how tough my situation was and apologized afterwards for being so rude, simply said that is what friends are for.  We listen.  My other friend, understanding I am an Aspie, makes it a point to tell me things ahead of time if she thinks that they might come out in a time or place to cause me anxiety. The third not only does his best to cheer me up and make me laugh, but when I finally was officially unemployed, he packed up my entire cubicle and brought it my apartment for me so I wouldn't have to deal with going back into a building that caused me so much stress. I am staggered by the kindness they have all shown me.

And here, I mention only four people.  There are several others who have proven their deep and abiding friendship to me over and over.  There are times I still wake up and think, how do I deserve this?  I still sometimes wonder if maybe it will all be taken away.  

But my friends?  True and faithful, they understand me, and have stuck with me through the thick and thin of the last few years.  I sometimes feel like the luckiest person alive.  Friendship is a gift from God and I have been lavishly blessed.

So to all of them I say, thanks.  For being my friend.