So, as all of you know as I have talked about it without ceasing on FB...I did the Tough Mudder last weekend. I will probably tell you more about the terrain, the obstacles, later, but I wanted to take this post to talk about what meant the most to me, what I truly think I will remember even more deeply than getting my first (but not only) orange Tough Mudder Headband.
And that was what happened before the race started, when we were all gathered at the start line.
First, I was there as an individual. Now, you don't do TM alone. The whole purpose, and why I love it and why I did it, is that this is not a race, you are supposed to help and support your fellow mudders on the course. You aren't even timed. But still, I wasn't with a team. Until a team I was standing by found out I was a solo, was impressed, and invited me to join their team. I was with them at the end. It meant...a lot. THAT is the Tough Mudder spirit, right there.
Second, the normal stuff of cheering, getting you pumped, etc. Fun! We chanted the Tough Mudder philosophy, which speaks of teamwork and not leaving anyone behind, and has the wonderful line "I do not whine. Kids whine".
Then they had everyone take a knee and asked all who were serving or had served in the Military to stand up. Oh, the cheers for our troops was deafening. DEAFENING. I was so proud to be amongst our brave soldiers, and with people who clearly loved them as much as I did.
As some of you might know, Tough Mudder's charity is Wounded Warriors. So they had everyone take 10 seconds of silence in honor and respect for all those that had lost their lives for our freedoms. In that absolute silence, my eyes started filling.
And then the guy leading us all said that in the Tough Mudder first wave we have a tradition. We don't play the National Anthem. We all look at the flag and sing it. I was one among hundreds that turned to the flag, put my hand over my heart, and our voices raised to the skies singing the National Anthem. Now, the National Anthem always makes me teary eyed, for I love my Country. But this time, in this circumstance, with everyone singing next to me...
Tears flowed down my face and I was so choked up I almost had to hit my inhalor.
And that was even before we started, which is for another post. But...
God Bless the Tough Mudder, God bless our troops, and God bless the USA.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Moved....sort of
We have a house. We have all of our stuff in our house.
But the majority of it is still lying around in boxes waiting to find the right place for it to live.
That is OK though--the mad rush of getting everything out of the house on time, then getting everything from the storage shed into the new house (and this in a brutal heat wave, sigh), is done. My bed is up and running (except who knows where that bottom sheet is) and my room is neat. My clothes are hung up. My mom's furniture is assembled and her studio and sewing room is in progress. We've decided where we want everything to be. The animals are all here and happy (thanks to friends!). And the food is put away.
So far, so good!
But the majority of it is still lying around in boxes waiting to find the right place for it to live.
That is OK though--the mad rush of getting everything out of the house on time, then getting everything from the storage shed into the new house (and this in a brutal heat wave, sigh), is done. My bed is up and running (except who knows where that bottom sheet is) and my room is neat. My clothes are hung up. My mom's furniture is assembled and her studio and sewing room is in progress. We've decided where we want everything to be. The animals are all here and happy (thanks to friends!). And the food is put away.
So far, so good!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
I love the internets
So...I, and the Erudite mother and sister, were given a 60 day notice a couple of months ago, and are now in the process of moving. I'm just not, NOT going to go into all of the details, because they both exhaust me and bore everyone else!
But I will say that at the end of a long day that included looking at 4 potential houses to rent, I decided to kick back and do some research on a topic for a friend. Which led to this, which led to that, and next thing I knew I was happily perusing the internets (our local library has access to digital Sanborn maps! Ooooooh!). Yes, I do this sometimes, almost as a hobby. It's the librarian in me. I looooove information.
So, to get back on topic, one of the things I ran into was this TED talk by Temple Grandin. I then looked further and found this posting by her on the same subject. And if you don't know who Temple Grandin is, she is worth learning about! Anyhow, I was interested in her discussion of the three basic types of autistic minds--the visual ones, the music and math (in the TED talk she calls this pattern, which I think makes more sense) ones, and the verbal ones.
I immediately pondered, which mind do I have? I am NOT a visual thinker. I can't draw a stick figure well. That is clearly not me. I think in words, often seeing them as a page of a book. Not pictures. I love art, and have a great appreciation for it, but I have not talent for it at all.
The answer was obvious--verbal! I have a love affair with books, am good at memorizing or at least getting close, and have been known to pin down book, approximate position in book, and scene, with full details, from one line of a book. I am a speed reader, and it comes to me like breathing. Words are my thing. I also am an excellent public speaker, and generally speaking I am very clear communicator.
Considering the pattern thinker, though, I would say I have bits of patterns in me. Not because I am superb at math and engineering and music, far from it in fact. But because I am obsessed with things like lists. I also am obsessed with the idea of revolutions and balance and starting and ending, of going through all things before starting to use them again, of order.
To explain in practical terms (and yes, you ARE free to mock me) I, and my family, like to use pint glasses for pretty much everything we drink. But I believe all the pints should be used before you reuse one. I always grab from the right, and put back on the left. If I have a blank space on the right I will fill it from the next row over and do this all the way down until I have space on the left to put away the newly cleaned glass. I KNOW this is strange. And when you live with other people, there are some things you just have to let go. I wince when I see my mom or sister has very logically put away the glasses into the empty slots, remind myself that this is my strange Aspie thing and no one else is obliged to cater to my crazier oddities...then I go and fix it. :)
I do this same basic thing with food. The first in, first out thing in restaurants? I believe it should be done at home to. With food. And kitchen towels. And glasses. And anything else.
And no, I don't expect everyone I live with do this--I told my sister about the pint glasses, and she didn't know that was my thing at all as I just hadn't mentioned it. I already drive them crazy because I just don't get why the food in the frig and cabinets isn't put away in basically the same space every time so it both looks neat and you can find what you need and immediately tell if we have it, and I have begged and pleaded until the Erudite Sister and I worked out a workable plan and compromise that would manage to keep both of us sane.
But my strange pattern, first in first out to create a perfect and balanced cycle? Nope. I do that alone. :)
So, I am verbal with hints of pattern as it relates to lists and cycles.
And I love the internets.
That is all.
God bless,
EA
But I will say that at the end of a long day that included looking at 4 potential houses to rent, I decided to kick back and do some research on a topic for a friend. Which led to this, which led to that, and next thing I knew I was happily perusing the internets (our local library has access to digital Sanborn maps! Ooooooh!). Yes, I do this sometimes, almost as a hobby. It's the librarian in me. I looooove information.
So, to get back on topic, one of the things I ran into was this TED talk by Temple Grandin. I then looked further and found this posting by her on the same subject. And if you don't know who Temple Grandin is, she is worth learning about! Anyhow, I was interested in her discussion of the three basic types of autistic minds--the visual ones, the music and math (in the TED talk she calls this pattern, which I think makes more sense) ones, and the verbal ones.
I immediately pondered, which mind do I have? I am NOT a visual thinker. I can't draw a stick figure well. That is clearly not me. I think in words, often seeing them as a page of a book. Not pictures. I love art, and have a great appreciation for it, but I have not talent for it at all.
The answer was obvious--verbal! I have a love affair with books, am good at memorizing or at least getting close, and have been known to pin down book, approximate position in book, and scene, with full details, from one line of a book. I am a speed reader, and it comes to me like breathing. Words are my thing. I also am an excellent public speaker, and generally speaking I am very clear communicator.
Considering the pattern thinker, though, I would say I have bits of patterns in me. Not because I am superb at math and engineering and music, far from it in fact. But because I am obsessed with things like lists. I also am obsessed with the idea of revolutions and balance and starting and ending, of going through all things before starting to use them again, of order.
To explain in practical terms (and yes, you ARE free to mock me) I, and my family, like to use pint glasses for pretty much everything we drink. But I believe all the pints should be used before you reuse one. I always grab from the right, and put back on the left. If I have a blank space on the right I will fill it from the next row over and do this all the way down until I have space on the left to put away the newly cleaned glass. I KNOW this is strange. And when you live with other people, there are some things you just have to let go. I wince when I see my mom or sister has very logically put away the glasses into the empty slots, remind myself that this is my strange Aspie thing and no one else is obliged to cater to my crazier oddities...then I go and fix it. :)
I do this same basic thing with food. The first in, first out thing in restaurants? I believe it should be done at home to. With food. And kitchen towels. And glasses. And anything else.
And no, I don't expect everyone I live with do this--I told my sister about the pint glasses, and she didn't know that was my thing at all as I just hadn't mentioned it. I already drive them crazy because I just don't get why the food in the frig and cabinets isn't put away in basically the same space every time so it both looks neat and you can find what you need and immediately tell if we have it, and I have begged and pleaded until the Erudite Sister and I worked out a workable plan and compromise that would manage to keep both of us sane.
But my strange pattern, first in first out to create a perfect and balanced cycle? Nope. I do that alone. :)
So, I am verbal with hints of pattern as it relates to lists and cycles.
And I love the internets.
That is all.
God bless,
EA
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Truth
Many, many of you would have read over and over again from people who are on the Autistic spectrum, of most levels, of how they are proud they are autistic. How they are good at their job because they are autistic, or how it gives them abilities to stay focused and pay attention to details. How they are proud of themselves, they know they are different, and different is OK, to be celebrated in fact!
And true, all those things are valid about the Autistic life.
But here is the REAL truth. At least for me. And I am willing to bet for others.
I HATE BEING AN ASPIE.
I hate it because no matter how trained and practiced you are at getting on, no matter how well you function and do your job well, no matter how smart and self aware and downright careful you are, there will, there absolutely will come a moment when your brain just shuts down.
Because you see, we Aspies have no control over our brains. At all. We can try. We can learn. We can practice. We can even go through the right motions. But when push comes to shove, our Aspie brain is going to win out over any logic, reason, attempt, effort, argument. I sometimes feel like I am two brains in one body...and the Aspie brain ALWAYS wins. It frustrates me to no end and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it.
Telling an Aspie to get over it, forget it, move on, don't worry? Forget it. We quite literally can't do it. We SHOULD. We WANT to. But we can't. It is NOT POSSIBLE. Or if it is, my highly intelligent, self aware, and trained brain has yet to figure out how in 37 years of trying.
And sure, sometimes we get upset not because we are an Aspie, but because people are just flat out rude, or cruel. Do not blame my disease because I am upset. It is not an excuse for your bad behavior. But if I weren't an Aspie it would be a heck of a lot easier for me to ignore you.
Sometimes I will read stories of truly, classically autistic kids and think you know, I may be smart, able to get along in public and hold down a job and pay bills and have friends and communicate and drive a car and do all the things that these Autistic people will likely never be able to do. But when I hear them explaining how they feel and what they feel, I realize that at the core we are EXACTLY the same. We express differently, I have a higher threshold. But the things that bug them, bug me.
Once again, I say, I HATE BEING AN ASPIE. And I have a feeling most Aspies agree, in their deepest hearts.
Truth.
Sorry for the caps in this one, guys. I was going for emphasis.
EA
And true, all those things are valid about the Autistic life.
But here is the REAL truth. At least for me. And I am willing to bet for others.
I HATE BEING AN ASPIE.
I hate it because no matter how trained and practiced you are at getting on, no matter how well you function and do your job well, no matter how smart and self aware and downright careful you are, there will, there absolutely will come a moment when your brain just shuts down.
Because you see, we Aspies have no control over our brains. At all. We can try. We can learn. We can practice. We can even go through the right motions. But when push comes to shove, our Aspie brain is going to win out over any logic, reason, attempt, effort, argument. I sometimes feel like I am two brains in one body...and the Aspie brain ALWAYS wins. It frustrates me to no end and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it.
Telling an Aspie to get over it, forget it, move on, don't worry? Forget it. We quite literally can't do it. We SHOULD. We WANT to. But we can't. It is NOT POSSIBLE. Or if it is, my highly intelligent, self aware, and trained brain has yet to figure out how in 37 years of trying.
And sure, sometimes we get upset not because we are an Aspie, but because people are just flat out rude, or cruel. Do not blame my disease because I am upset. It is not an excuse for your bad behavior. But if I weren't an Aspie it would be a heck of a lot easier for me to ignore you.
Sometimes I will read stories of truly, classically autistic kids and think you know, I may be smart, able to get along in public and hold down a job and pay bills and have friends and communicate and drive a car and do all the things that these Autistic people will likely never be able to do. But when I hear them explaining how they feel and what they feel, I realize that at the core we are EXACTLY the same. We express differently, I have a higher threshold. But the things that bug them, bug me.
Once again, I say, I HATE BEING AN ASPIE. And I have a feeling most Aspies agree, in their deepest hearts.
Truth.
Sorry for the caps in this one, guys. I was going for emphasis.
EA
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Two bits of useful data
First...
I found out when I did the Campus Interview for the Nebraska job that I have been googled, and this blog came up.
So if anyone from Wayne State College is following me, hi! I loved your school.
Moral of the story--if it is on the internet, they can find it. Beware what you do. Though I don't start each job interview with Hi, I am an Aspie, I am clearly fairly open about it and I don't think it has killed my job opportunity. But I knew, or rather strongly suspected, I would be googled. I would have done the same. Just know...this is pretty much SOP now.
Second and totally changing the topic, I give you this link, with a fervent YES. Also, PLEASE click on the links provided in the article.
Cheers,
EA
I found out when I did the Campus Interview for the Nebraska job that I have been googled, and this blog came up.
So if anyone from Wayne State College is following me, hi! I loved your school.
Moral of the story--if it is on the internet, they can find it. Beware what you do. Though I don't start each job interview with Hi, I am an Aspie, I am clearly fairly open about it and I don't think it has killed my job opportunity. But I knew, or rather strongly suspected, I would be googled. I would have done the same. Just know...this is pretty much SOP now.
Second and totally changing the topic, I give you this link, with a fervent YES. Also, PLEASE click on the links provided in the article.
Cheers,
EA
Sunday, March 17, 2013
EA is leaving CA...as soon as she can manage it
So...
I have political and economic reasons for wanting to leave CA--basically, it is too expensive here to have any sort of standard of living on one salary, and I don't like the politics. I had been planning to do so for quite a while, but was holding off until I get trained to be a Nuclear Medicine Technician and had some hiring power. I haven't totally given up on the Nuc Med dream, but things change. There are thousands of people going for under 30 slots in the Nuc Med program, so as much as I have worked to get it, I just can't count on it. Plus, there aren't that many jobs after you graduate. Dreams collide with reality and require adjustments.
And then...well, to summarize, the man I love asked me what size ring I wore and what style I like, planned ring shopping with me, then sent me an email the day after Valentine's saying he could only offer friendship. I am sure I don't have to explain how that felt, or explain why I need, NEED to get out of the state for personal reasons as well.
Sooooo....I am hedging my bets. While still planning on applying for the Nuc Med program and preparing to do so, I am also applying for jobs. My goal states are Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho, though the Dakotas would work, and I actually just today applied for a position in Nebraska.
Will I miss my family and friends? OF COURSE. Will I miss my family at St. Andrew's--and they ARE my family in every way that matters when I am gone? Oh, so very much.
But do I have to go?
Yes.
I need a fresh start.
And sometimes the only way to get that is to entirely move away.
Plus, I hate the weather in California. :)
God bless.
EA
I have political and economic reasons for wanting to leave CA--basically, it is too expensive here to have any sort of standard of living on one salary, and I don't like the politics. I had been planning to do so for quite a while, but was holding off until I get trained to be a Nuclear Medicine Technician and had some hiring power. I haven't totally given up on the Nuc Med dream, but things change. There are thousands of people going for under 30 slots in the Nuc Med program, so as much as I have worked to get it, I just can't count on it. Plus, there aren't that many jobs after you graduate. Dreams collide with reality and require adjustments.
And then...well, to summarize, the man I love asked me what size ring I wore and what style I like, planned ring shopping with me, then sent me an email the day after Valentine's saying he could only offer friendship. I am sure I don't have to explain how that felt, or explain why I need, NEED to get out of the state for personal reasons as well.
Sooooo....I am hedging my bets. While still planning on applying for the Nuc Med program and preparing to do so, I am also applying for jobs. My goal states are Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho, though the Dakotas would work, and I actually just today applied for a position in Nebraska.
Will I miss my family and friends? OF COURSE. Will I miss my family at St. Andrew's--and they ARE my family in every way that matters when I am gone? Oh, so very much.
But do I have to go?
Yes.
I need a fresh start.
And sometimes the only way to get that is to entirely move away.
Plus, I hate the weather in California. :)
God bless.
EA
Monday, February 25, 2013
You MUST watch this.
Yes. YES. A thousand, a million times YES!!!!!!!! Penn and Teller's Bullshit on Vaccinations. Mostly about how they DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM.
Everyone should watch this. ESPECIALLY if you are the parent of an autistic child, or autistic yourself.
Profanity warning (this IS Penn and Teller), and NSFW at the end with a boob flash (which actually is appropriate in context, you will see what I mean).
But it is so, SO worth 26 minutes of your time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0IvM8c-Pew
Everyone should watch this. ESPECIALLY if you are the parent of an autistic child, or autistic yourself.
Profanity warning (this IS Penn and Teller), and NSFW at the end with a boob flash (which actually is appropriate in context, you will see what I mean).
But it is so, SO worth 26 minutes of your time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0IvM8c-Pew
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